You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
