My sheets look like a crime scene.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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