Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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