Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
