I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think my cat just said my name.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
