I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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