Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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