dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
...so i touched it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
