I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
