i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
