She announced her abortion via fbk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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