I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
