so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
