i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
