He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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