so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pants are for mortals