There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðŸ˜‚ðŸ˜‚
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though