She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down