youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.