I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We got so high we made milksteak
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?