i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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