Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
