Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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