I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
