this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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