i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
