I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
