You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
