The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize