yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
