So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
