Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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