i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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