i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
