Umm I'm too high to move.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
