life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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