she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
