I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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