I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
