he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She needs sedatives and a leash
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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