the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
