Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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