her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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