If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're too hungover to prance.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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