I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
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my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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