Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
