Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
