Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
