Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
