wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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