come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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