Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
