i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When are your genitals available?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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