did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
