My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
