Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's the barista slut.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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