I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
