ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
