he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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