If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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