Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
