I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
jump out the window naked night went bad
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