I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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