I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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