I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
