My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
