but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry about my life...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
