i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
