dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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